This year is going to be a big one for me as I am dedicating it to something that scares the crap out of me. Being an artist. That thing I was as a child and always thought I would be but somehow got lost in other people’s expectations of what I should do with my life. Like…doing something that will guarantee money? Ya, that thing.

While at art school I majored in photography to please those who thought they were telling me what was best for me. I shot weddings and families for years (with film too!) and loved it because my clients were thrilled with the work. And this made me happy, so I thought. But deep down I was dissatisfied because it was WORK and I dreaded every wedding and family shoot because it just wasn’t in my heart to work for others’ expectations. That took a long time to realize. I just thought it was part of the process, work is work is no fun, right?

When I finally came to terms late last year (which really could have been just yesterday!) that I’ve lived my entire life trying to make others’ happy and living up to others’ expectations of me, I made the tough decision to stop. It was frightening to come to this realization. No more pleasing like this. This is my life, darnit (!) and I’ve lived decades of it for other people. Gee, I do wish I’d realized that from the beginning and had the faith in myself, the strength to say, ‘no, I don’t want to do this, I want to do what feels right for me and makes me happy, soulfully happy’. But now, at this time, I think I had to go on this journey of self-discovery.

This year is about filling my life with my family, focusing on home schooling my boys as I do every year, but also replacing the time when I’ve been out of the house at work (specialty photo retail store) with making art.

***

This year I AM AN ARTIST. I am not going to work at a job part-time nor send my kids to school and work full-time just so that we have more money and we can live an easier life. No, I am going to have faith in myself and it’s going to work because I will be doing what I love which is spending my life with those I love and doing what I love. Whew!

The rest will work itself out.

***

To start things off on the right foot, I decided to paint something to submit for an exhibition. Submissions need to be in on Jan 5. Eek! I can do this – I have to do this – and I will because I am an artist. 😉

I won’t give too many details on the exhibition just yet but last night and this morning I added a couple of layers to a canvas and will continue to do so today and the next few days. I know what the end result will look like for the most part and trust that everything will come together.

I trust that everything will come together.

layer1-weblayer2-web

I am also participating in Leah’s Creating Every Day challenge. The Theme for this month is Lost and Found. I think this post fits in nicely. 🙂

I’ve used my phone to take these shots because my camera is out for repair. I think I need to invest in some lights to do this right. 😉

And I had to share this smock that I made at the end of October from old jeans and I love it! I use it every time I paint and it has handy pockets too.

smock-flatsmock-back smock-front

What plans do you have for this new year? I’d love to hear about them!

Happy 2015!

 

 

 

 

 

18 Comments

  1. Kim

    I love everything about this post, but mostly the part about being who you are because it makes you happy, and not following the path others think you should. Been there too, and when the light bulb went off and I decided to live life for me, on my own terms, goodness it was a good feeling. I wish you all the best, you are an artist, and I love your work. Can’t wait to see where you go this year.

    And that smock…love.

    Happy New Year!

  2. Rhonda

    You are inspiring, always. Despite the years you spent being a “photographer”, you have always been an artist in my eyes. You created every time you snapped a photo with your camera. You saw things differently and made the most simple things beautiful. Now you will just create in a different way. I love you my long time far away friend!! I’m looking forward to seeing your creations, the title artist has always been you.

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  5. Monica M

    hi there,

    i could have written this post myself except the part about actually doing proper work lol I also took photography at university, but even that came after a psych degree (which was more in line with the doctor my mother wished me to be). but i never found my anchor, and then i married and was unhappy and utterly gave up my creative life – partly because there was no energy in my life for it. and now i home educate and finding moments to aart/craft are a challenge, but at the end of the day i can say that whatever i did do, i did it for no on but me!!!! (and my daughter lol)

    blessings and peace for 2015.

    1. moongirl

      Hi Monica! I believe we both have had similar challenges and I feel my own ache when I read your words. When we live our lives long enough just to please others I think we tend to lose sight of our Self and sadness fills a part of our souls. It’s difficult and challenging to create when you are unhappy and tired. Beginning again after so long seems so daunting and there is fear involved in the possibility of failure and then comes the question, ‘Where do I start?’. It’s in finding the moments that brings more moments. Your last sentence rings true, true, true! xx

  6. carlin

    I love this post too, as art has always been tricky for me. It seems the older I get, the easier it is to follow my desires. I absolutely love your apron! Can’t wait to see more of your creations.

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